


Next Year in Beijing

by wizened_cynic



Category: Gilmore Girls, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Chinese New Year, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/F, Femslash, Femslash February, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizened_cynic/pseuds/wizened_cynic
Summary: The Chinese New Year celebrations continue in Stars Hollow.





	Next Year in Beijing

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently I'd written this 10 year ago (Year of the Ox) and I totally forgot about it until Livejournal reminded me just now. I've decided I'm going to repost every single CNY fic I've ever written during this CNY. At least the ones with lesbians in them. Gung hei fat choi!

i.

On January 2, Lorelai says, "This is the year that Chinese New Year will sweep the nation. Mark my words, Claire. It will sweep! It will sweep like the Roomba that we gave my mother for Christmas so she would stop hiring and subsequently firing and sometimes even deporting those lovely Puerto Rican women for supposedly stealing from her."

Alex says, "You're still drunk. Go back to sleep." 

 

ii. 

Kirk walks through the door of the diner, dressed as a lion. Half a lion, at least. He has the head tucked underneath his arm. 

"I'll have a coffee to go," he says. 

Luke stares at him for a moment and says, "You know, Kirk, Halloween was two months ago."

"Oh no," says Kirk, gesturing to his full-body lion suit. "This is for Chinese New Year." 

"Is that what they're calling The Wizard of Oz these days?" asks Luke. 

"I'm the head of the Lion Dance Dance Group." 

"The Lion Dance Dance Group." 

"I think the second 'dance' might be redundant," Alex says. 

"I thought about that," says Kirk, "but just Lion Dance Group sounds misleading. I want to make sure that people understand that we're a dance group performing the lion dance, as opposed to a group of lions dancing, which is what Lion Dance Group may very likely imply." 

"How about the Lion Dance Performers Association?" suggests Lorelai. 

Kirk considers. "I like that," he says. 

"Here's your coffee," Luke says, handing him the paper cup. "Good luck with your lion dance whatever." 

"Luke!" Lorelai chastises. "Haven't you heard? This is the year that Chinese New Year will take over the country. Show a little enthusiasm! Kirk is doing his part in making tradition for our town. I think we should all be a little more supportive." 

"I gave him coffee," Luke says. "I give _you_ coffee."

"The man has a point," Alex says. 

Kirk re-enters the diner, coffee spilled down the front of his lion suit. "I'm going to need another coffee. These paws are not very dexterous." 

 

iii.

"I don't understand," Emily says, "why you can't come to dinner next Friday." 

"It's Chinese New Year," Lorelai answers, and smiles in a Buddha-like manner, if Buddha were in fact completely smug and evil. "Actually it's the third day of Chinese New Year." 

"I'm not sure I see the relevance," Emily says. 

Lorelai shoots a glance at Alex, who sighs inwardly and tries to explain. The third day of Chinese New Year is believed to be a bad day for visiting others; someone is bound to say something to offend somebody. 

With Lorelai and Emily though, every day is the third day of Chinese New Year, so Alex doesn't really see the difference. 

Emily's expression grows tighter and tighter until she finally says, "If you don't want to come to dinner, that's fine. You don't have to make up such ridiculous excuses."

"It's not an excuse," Lorelai says. "And it's not ridiculous!" 

"You actually expect me to believe this Chinese New Year ... thing."

"Event," corrects Alex. 

"Chinese New Year has existed for thousands of years, Mother," says Lorelai. "Even without you believing in it."

"Actually, we've been celebrating Chinese New Year for a couple of years," says Alex. 

"A couple of years," Emily deadpans. 

"Well, one," Lorelai says. "Which is why we're making up for lost time!" 

"Then why didn't I hear about this before today?" Emily asks. 

"We wanted it to be a surprise?" Lorelai tries hopefully.

"What a pleasant surprise! My daughter plans to co-opt some foreign culture in order to avoid having dinner with me. Thank you, Lorelai. It's just what I needed to hear." 

"Mom, that's not ---"

"Should I send you a gift?"

"What?"

"For Chinese New Year. Maybe I'll send a card along with it, something that says how glad I am that you're choosing to appropriate another culture over spending time with your mother." 

"Mom." 

"Did you have anything to do with this?"

Alex stops in mid-drink, suddenly aware that Emily has, as usual, turned her anger towards her. "I can honestly say that I had very little to do with this."

"It has nothing to do with Claire, Mom. It's just --- you know what? Forget it. We'll be here next Friday. We'll bring oranges." 

"You don't have to, Lorelai. Not if it's going to be such a chore for you."

"No, we . . . want to." Lorelai looks at Alex and mouths, I hate myself.

"Very well." Emily's smile is serene. "By the way, I heard from Sookie that you are throwing a dinner party on Chinese New Year's Eve? It's a tradition of some sort? People from all over the world come home to their families just for that dinner. I suppose I'm not invited. I only live half an hour away. Twenty minutes, if the roads are clear."

Lorelai says nothing, so Alex says it for her. "Dinner begins at six."

Even when they win, they don't.

And they never win, when it comes to Emily.

 

iv.

They try putting the customary greetings through Babelfish, but the results are less than satisfactory.

"Somehow I don't think telling someone to 'laugh mouth always open' is going to fly," says Alex. 

"I don't know," says Lorelai, "'Big kumquat big luck' sounds pretty badass. Big Kumquat is going to be my prison name. No one wants to mess with Big Kumquat. Would you mess with Big Kumquat?"

"I would not," concedes Alex. "Then again, I don't plan to be going to prison."

"You never know," Lorelai says. "I'm pretty sure you've done things to me that are illegal in several states." 

Alex can feel the flush rushing to her cheeks, which she combats by smacking Lorelai lightly on the neck. Lorelai grins and leans over once more to click the Translate! button. 

"Huh," she says, when the results appear. "'One sail wind smooth.' That's almost like a haiku." 

"A haiku would require a few more syllables," Alex says. 

"'One sail, wind smooth, Claire is a smartass.'"

"Kind of a mouthful," Alex comments. 

"So's this," Lorelai says, and kisses her. 

Alex closes her eyes as she kisses back fiercely; Lorelai smells like the strawberry Starburst she had moments earlier, and Alex is taken back, even now, even after so many months, by the realization that Lorelai may be the smartest decision she ever made, that kissing Lorelai feels better than winning a thousand cases in the courtroom, a thousand guilty verdicts. 

 

v. 

"Something's not right," Alex says. It is officially day 16 of the Year of the Ox, and their kitchen is still full of oranges. "I thought we gave all of them away."

"We did," says Lorelai as she picks up the last of the red wrapping paper scraps from the floor. "These are all the oranges we got in return." 

Alex frowns as she studies the pyramid on the table. It may not be one of the Seven Wonders of the World (yet), but she's fairly certain it can be seen from space. 

"At least we won't get scurvy," she says with a sigh, because small victories are still victories. 

"Hey Claire." 

Alex looks up. Lorelai holds up a heart which she has cut from leftover wrapping paper and presses it to her forehead. 

"We're just in time for Valentine's Day."


End file.
